10 days of Nila - A throwback

First posted on Facebook on  4 April 2016

So I was changing a diaper and my wife walks over. 

"What is that?" she says. 

We move our heads close to observe what looked like a tiny piece of skin, not the scary kind that points to damage or disease, but the- old skin is shed for new skin kind. But it also looks like a tiny piece of poo, so we move our heads even closer to ascertain it was not poo masquerading as shed skin.  

Blast. Our daughter Nila had done it again. She had caught us in a moment where we least expected it, she had caught us when we were most vulnerable. I cleaned the spots off  my spectacles and my wife washes her hands which were lined with yellow pooness. 

If Nila was not so cute, my wife and I would have packed her in the parcel she came in- the bubble wrap amniotic fluid, the polythene placenta and shipped her back to... oh... Yup cute or not, there is no turning back and turning away from this poo machine- we have realised this. Jim Schmick has asked me to put my life on hold for 20 years. 20 Years! 

She treats my wife like a human juice box. When she cries like all hell has broken lose, I tell her reassuringly- the juice is coming.... the juice box has gone for lunch... the juice box is taking a well deserved nap... the juice is coming, wait up. 

When Nila cries and I lift her up, she latches onto my shirt. I tell her, "No Juice there."

Nila has made a song writer out of me- 

Diaper ke neechey kya hai? 

Diaper ke neechey? 

Diaper mein potty meri, 

Daiper mein sussu meri, 

diaper mein meiney kiya pyar sey... pyar sey...

Nila has also made a poet out of me- 

When the Diaper is full of crap,

Don't worry you are not in a trap,

Lets walk to the station of love,

Where daddy will make sure you do not smell like a cow.

I do not want my friends to think that it is all poo and misery interlaced with a bit of cuteness. Compared to many babies she does not cry as much, and she sleeps well in the night. There is something very calming about her when she sleeps and when she is not crying. She has a very serious look on her face, like she is thinking about life. A life without reflection is not worth living, no?

The crying is not so bad either. She waves her hands around and her legs are peddling this imaginary cycle. Her face completely wrinkled, so you don't see her eyes or her tears. It is like she is swimming in an imaginary ocean of emptiness, swimming towards boob juice. Her life has purpose and the simplicity of it, envies me. Her cries are a prayer and every time she prays, her prayers are answered. 

This is probably what she thinking right now-

The human juice box and the human trash disposal are both here for me. They pro-created me and are responsible for me, so they can't complain. I will be waiting for them. Waiting for them to open my diaper. Waiting for them to think- not this time, surely. And then... ha ha ha ha ha...  Holi Hai!

The long walk- the third year (A throwback)

First posted on Facebook on 2 January 2015

If you like long walks then marriage is for you

We had spent the whole day on foot. What were we doing?

We were reaching breath taking view points, surviving narrow commercial areas that herd tourists like cows in a ranch, taking in the cool mountain air, feeling the eucalyptus vapours singe our stretching sinews, going to places that said- No Entry, later paying for it, floating on the clouds and feeling insecure about our weight every time we saw a skinny couple.

Marriage is a like a long walk. It will never seem like a good idea if you sit to plan it thoroughly.

Why would you want to get used to all those idiosyncrasies?

The room we were in was far away from the main road, so in the night there was pin drop silence. When we were having dinner I could hear her chew and gulp. I did not like it. It was unsettling, I did not know that a monster sat in my wife's alimentary canal.    

You ask her about all the annoying things she has had to get used to the last three years.

The long walk could get painful after a while. You start noticing muscles that you have probably thought never existed. Your joints yell out to you and call out for a rest.

We sat down in a nice spot slightly away from the crowds at a place called- 'upper lake view'. After a bit you learn to ignore the garbage that lies everywhere in these view points and you learn to enjoy the view. Unlike the hordes that gorge on the view like the packet of chips that they discard on the side of the hill where no human hands can retrieve them, we like to savour the experience.

But one photographer did not allow us to savour it. "Sir, maam please move, we would like to take a photo," he said. "Well take your picture elsewhere," we said. He persisted, waving his hand like we were the crow that sat on his meal. We ignored him and continued our savouring.

Life with all its depressing moments, mostly related to the rat race, where you are used as a cog for material purposes- life can be frustrating. But if you marry someone who enjoys the long walks, who enjoys the road less travelled, you get lucky- that someone may have an antidote for all those negative emotions. They may make it worse in rare occasions, but hey- when you are done with the long walk you almost always cherish it more for the good than for those rare moments of annoyances.

We asked directions from a couple of ladies who were carrying a huge pile of wood. We had a suspicion that they may know a shorter route, which is away from the maddening crowds.

We ended up following them. One of the women had so much happening in her life and was sharing it with her friend. We did not listen to the exact words but we knew it was the drama that was taking place in the stage of her life. The other friend listened with a 'hmmm' and a 'ahan.' She was providing the best possible antidote to life's drama- listening with a concerned ear.

The path they took us on was a lot shorter, a lot more beautify, a lot more deserted. The maddening crowds and their bags of chips were not where not to be seen.

They stopped at a local church. We prayed at the gates and were about to leave, but the women stopped us. They had just placed their wood by the side of the road. "You must go inside. Quick, they close the church at 5pm," one of them said.

5pm was the time Shruti marched into a church. I was waiting at the altar and the music was playing. It was the 26th Dec. The exact day, the exact time, three years ago.     

Bachelor Life Flashing - Throwback

First posted on Facebook on 5 March 2021

Well... 

 I have come a long way in my life. Not many people believe I used to be a very insecure, silent introvert sort of a guy. Ever forgetful, very cagey, indifferent to pretty much everything. That was a phase and that too passed... 

 Tomorrow I am getting married... I am not feeling nervous or anything. But with 20 odd people asking me are you nervous I am kinda getting a pseudo tension. 

Yet I am not very sure for what... I went to Loyola college to give invites to my professors. College life was the best part my life and enlightenment. My only regret was I didn't use it to the full... Or perhaps that is part of the whole experience- 

 I went to the Northeast with Murali and Jai Krishna.

 

 I cleared all papers, no arrears, but for one in World Religions (the irony) 

I used to study with dedication on the night before the exam till 4 in the morning but I never ever studied through the year. 

I also heard some exotic sounds on one particular night. Silent nights always throw up a few surprises. 

I made a dedicated attempt to understand the world I am in- studying films, nurturing priceless relationships with extra ordinary friends like Marudhu Pandian, making films, reading amazing books, doing a research on social media 

Roaming around without an aim has it perks, unlike what conventional wisdom states, a free mind when it roams, it finds purpose on its own. I never had to force purpose, it came... 

 Sakshi and Indrani almost made it to my wedding. Almost... and though it makes me sad that they did not come I thought about those days. It was a transition, those days in Pune. 

From being a terribly pessimistic lad with no life to being so full of life... I studies 11th and 12th in an all girls schools and I went from being a misogynist, to a person who started appreciating the opposite sex... They are not just sets of boobs and bums, assembled to tease men with sexual tension, which is often confused with love... The relationships I treasure from those days are very precious and I wish Sakshi and Indrani had made it.... 

Though oddly enough I never really fell in love in those days... My defense mechanism was I totally avoided any girl I even had a remote sort of attraction for... I was in Delhi before all of this from the 6th to the 10th. The cynicism I harboured for large periods in my life was built because of long hours of exposure to some sort of prejudice that folks in the north harbour for those with a darker shade of skin tone... It was not racism am sure (now) but as a kid I was deeply effected by being called a Kaala Kauva... 

I also didn't have any sort of a talent or a drive. I used to go for many art competitions but was overshadowed by a far more talented artist, Nitin Khobe his name was. Ajo Jose stole the title of being the class joker. I cannot think of too many positives really, from my time in New Delhi. And I am convinced more than ever (after visiting delhi recently) that it was for my better that we left the city. Because of it's population the city has become more cut throat, with a survival of the fittest undertone- that sort of a tension 

I can never handle because I am a pleasant sort of a guy who likes to smile all the time.... 

 Honestly my time before that in Chennai was more of a blur. I have no recollection of anything interesting from when I was a kid L.K.G onwards, except that I sucked at sports and got beaten up by big Emmanuel a lot.... I had a close friend named Siddarth but he seems to have disappeared... I have a vague recollection of crying in preschool and waiting at the window for my mom to arrive after school. 

Rides sitting on my bikes bullet tank I can visualize, though later my little sister took that place and I was relegated to the back seat and when my mom was there I had to sit on the metal holder at the very back. 

 The period from after college- 2 years in Nalandaway has been an absolute roller coaster ride. The experinces and learnings with some amazing folks- Bramma, Pavel, Sriram and Suri has rocketed my life to a stratosphere of meaning and purpose... I feel a sort of a bliss when I think of those days... And now as I enter another phase in my life I wonder... 

Is there any more that I could possibly want or I could possibly learn that could be even more life changing... The girl I am marrying is the most beautiful girl in my eyes, in every possible way and I could possibly never have any sort of regrets... Should I be nervous?

First year of marriage- the cable car (A throwback)

First posted on FB on 25 December 2012 

 Shruti and I have been married for a year. And as I told a single friend a few days ago- I highly recommend marriage. Not just for the security that it gives of being with someone who loves you. Not just for all of the physical, emotional, monetary (if both partners are working that is) comforts that come with a marriage. I recommend it, because it is exciting like a joy ride. 

Take a look at this picture (below). It is a perfect metaphor. It was taken from inside a cable car, on our Honeymoon in Langkawi. It is not too fast, not too slow. The future looks great. You have a sense of anticipation building with each second. You get to explore a lot. You learn so much about life and the opposite sex. And you keep learning. You get to do so many these things with someone special. 

 This metaphor also points to the risk of ending up with someone who is not right for you. Then it becomes a jail, a prison cell where you escape into a freefall. But let me tell you this- It is a risk worth taking. It is worth putting your life at the highest altitude, with the person that you love (if you are getting arranged then with the person that you will love). 

 And whether you are in love with the person or not, you must remember that there are still a few things that you might have to deal with. Things beyond your control- the metaphoric winds of economic, spiritual, professional uncertainties might rock your cable car. Things in your control like mood swings and a few nagging personality traits, could also cause you to bounce around and make the string attached to your cable car to question its own tensile strength. 

And I ask you- if all of these did not exist- then where is the fun in life. In a few hours Shruti and I will be completing our first year together. We have discovered art. She paints like a raving Picasso. I write like an obsessive... (not going to compare myself to a famous writer and incur the rebuke of his/her fans so let me just say) half a Tolkien. 

I absolutely adore this girl. I am spell bound, awed, totally addicted, totally attached, inspired, loved, cared and I run out of words if I try to describe my experience with this woman. 

 My cable car is heaven right now. She is a woman who greatly underestimates her own self, but greatly overestimates 'Ajit.' Why, just the other day she called me 'handsome'. A great improvement from 'cute' (a word that I greatly detest). And you can take it from those who know me and have seen me in close quarters, my mother included, the words 'not ugly' best describe me. 

Words that I myself think are more than worthy of my face with the disproportionately large nose. But Handsome! Jokes apart- she does overestimate me. And in a not bad way- in a way that is not too demanding. 

Which brings me to the most important reason why I recommend marriage. She brings out the best in me. She encourages, she stokes, she supports, she approves, she gives constructive criticism and last but not the least she advices in moderation (and because of the moderation I almost always see her point, even though I might not admit it right away). 

 This is how I look at it- on the day after Christmas when God gave the gift of his son, God gave me the gift Shru.

And that is why I highly recommend :)